Saturday, August 13, 2011

Are you a Diet Saboteur? How to be supportive or not...

Welcome back to the blog.  Yes, it's been a while.  I have lots of excuses, but I don't plan to bore you.  I do want to share something that has been on my mind lately.  I realize that I have made a personal committment to myself to become an overall healthier person.  I believe I have been relatively successful, although I have plateaued, which is totally annoying.  But at any rate...

My thoughts evolve around the people I align myslef with on a daily basis and those I associate with from time to time.  It's been very interesting in this journey to see how people react to me and the comments that I get and the general "I really don't understand why you are trying to do this?" kind of attitude.  I suppose that I'm the one who decided to make this change in my life, and certainly I can't expect other people to jump on board simply because I think it's a great idea.  I have to keep reminding myself, "I am the one who has made a change.  Not everyone else."

Having said that, I think it's important to highlight things I have experienced since the beginning of the year, and I also wanted to touch on a few tips I think might be helpful to those of you out there who are already skinny, naturally beautiful, non-exercising, and overall perfect.  Unfortunately, I have to try at all of those things, and I wish I couold report that I am always successful, but I guess that's the way the world goes around.  So here we go.  I'll start with the "don't and do's" of "What Not to Do and What to Do When You Have a Loved One Who Has Decided To Change His/Her Life."  (Phew, that was long, wasn't it?)  Disclaimer:  I am going to speak in first person, although these are simply my thoughts, and not necesarily true occurrences.  :-)

The Don'ts:

1. Please, please...do not invite me to a restaurant that you know will sabatoge my diet.  People, I have addicting personality, and cannot tell you no.  I just can't.  So, please don't ask.

2. Do not give back-handed compliments.  Those of us who have struggles are well aware that we have struggles.  It isn't necessary for you to point out that I (or someone else) no longer has rolls on one's back like the Michelin man.  Thanks, but no thanks.

3. Don't ask me to exercise with you, knowing that you always have and can still beat me.  It isn't a race.  I'm still going to let you win if it makes you feel better about yourself.

4. When you come into the same public bathroom and have a million stalls to choose from, DO NOT pick the one right next to mine.  What does that have to do with weight loss?  Nothing. I'm just sayin'.

5. Don't give unsolicited advice.  I know we all think we are experts in this area, but we aren't.  My body is different from your body and we operate differently.  Enough said.

6. This one is huge! Do not make comments such as, "Wow, you are going to be awesome and skinny, and then you won't be my friend anymore."  Read that again...it sounds really dumb, doesn't it?

OK, enough of the negative and sarcastic.  I would like to highlight some positive things and give some helpful hints that I (and people like me) need from people like you!

1. When I tell you that I really don't want to exercise, encourage me to go anyway!  By now you know how it makes me feel and I need your support! 

2. If it really is important to you, ask me what you can do to help me.  No, the world does not revolve around me, but throw me a bone, and ask anyway!

3. Let me talk about it!  This is all new territory for me and it is exciting.  For once, I am successful at something.  Even if you don't care, pretend that you do.

4. Treat me the same as you always have.  I am the same.  But now, I have just a little less to love.

5. Compliment me when you see a positive change.  I really need the reinforcement.  I am having a lot of trouble accepting the changes that are happening (as weird as that sounds), so your thoughts are much appreciated. 

6. If you are going to ask me to go with you to a really fab restaurant, be a dear and look at the menu ahead of time.  If you are invested in our relationship, then help me out.  Maybe you could suggest some things that you know would work for me?

Those are just some of the thoughts that I have on this subject.  My mind swirls around it all of the time.  Part of that is because I, myself, am being judgmental.  Part of it is because some of these things have really happened to me.  It's a daily struggle.  I have to admit that sometimes I really hate it.  Being healthy IS NOT easy.  I digress all of the time.  Because I feel  like I'm living this life, I have to try and point out things that I know will help me and others in this very same fight to be healthier and happier.

2 comments:

  1. I love this post Terri!!!

    I am so proud of you! It is a lot of work and most of all, a life-style change and that is the most difficult part. I recently stopped eating meat and I find myself thinking "am I NEVER going to eat bacon again?" and then I get sad and re-think why I made this choice. Temptation is temporary.

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  2. I know what you're going through! This is a great post. While lack of support can be very frustrating (and yes, annoying) after a year and a half I've come to know that it is ABSOLUTELY all about you, your determination, and your constitution. You have to be stubborn and if that makes other people mad, or them feel that you think you're better than them (which we both know isn't true), then oh well. That's their insecurity speaking, because your security is shining. Keep up the good work, it looks like you are doing amazingly well with this journey!

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